You know, I was having coffee with a good friend yesterday and it got me thinking. We have know each other since before we were pregnant with our second children so it has been a long time. She was saying how this week has been a good week with her son. He didn’t have too many problems this week and wasn’t too big a concern.
This is the part that got me thinking. Her saying that she isn’t having problems with him this week is all relative. I mean, her son has Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder, Tourette’s Syndrome, ADD, and two separate neurological conditions that are both rare and poorly understood. So, when she says it is a ‘good week’ it means something different than the parents of most teens.
I was thinking about when Boy was little. The descriptions of him were ‘Challenging’ and ‘High Need’ – and those were the kind ones. I had people ask me “Have you had him assessed?”, “Don’t you think he needs professional help?” and ”Is this child possessed?” – OK, that one was me when he was particularly bad. When I announced my second pregnancy many reacted with surprise (and horror). The unspoken sub-text was ‘I can’t believe you are going to risk having another one like the first one’.
It made me realise that you handle whatever behaviour you are given. What would be a ‘typical day’ with my son as a child, would send many mothers around the bend. One time another mother came with her baby and spent the day with us. She apologised for her baby being so ‘fussy’. I was wondering what she was talking about. I thought her kid’s behaviour was amazing because I was used to so much worse.
Now that Boy is older, things are mainly getting better *but* there are still many situations where I hold my breath to see if he will freak out or not. It sadly reminds me of life with his father who was bi-polar.
One thing about parenting Boy is that it did force me to become a better parent and I hope a better person.
April 3, 2007 at 7:47 pm
[...] Parenting the ‘challenging’ child « life and adventures of a fisherwoman Parenting the ‘challenging’ child « life and adventures of a fisherwoman [...]
April 6, 2007 at 2:36 pm
I have been thinking about this topic from the other perspective a lot lately. One of my children has always been “easy” and the other one had a two-year bout of depression but is now a joy to be around. I have always been so grateful, since so many of my friends’ children had many more challenges.
The Man of My Dreams, who has been in my life since July, helped raise his ex-wife’s son (32 now). This child was brilliant but very troubled (plus ADD)and they spent years with him in therapy, special schools, institutions and such, plus never had a “down” time until after he grew up and went into the Army. They never had children of their own, because they didn’t know how they’d be able to give that child any of their attention. I have a local friend with the same story–such severe ADD that all they could do was spend all their time on the one son. Both of these sons now can earn a living–the former even has a fiancee who understands him because she has ADD as well.
So, I guess what I wanted to say is that the good news is there can be light at the end of the tunnel. I think you are seeing it with Son, who has turned into a unique and interesting person, as well.
Know that some of us with children whose challenges and issues are not as big (they ALL have something!) really admire those who cope so well with their “difficult” children and have sympathy for the hard work it takes to give them the time and attention they deserve to really come through and shine.
suna